Saturday, September 8, 2012

Working on my last comic for Moxie, a second opinion would be nice to hear.

I want to write this summary out so I can finally refine it and draw the comic for Moxie. Your help is more than welcome. I know there are problems with it, but I need to hear them from other people.

The Man who Jumped off the World by AACRO

Our story begins with a Man, father of two girls, husband, and a copywriter living in NYC. his day goes about like the days before this one ending with him walking home during a spectacular thunderstorm in the distance, eating dinner, and falling asleep.

The next morning, The Man awakes and falls on top of his kitchen counter, breaking the coffee-maker. The Man is unscathed. His family comes down wondering what the commotion is, he tells them he slipped and took the coffee-maker down with him and he and his family resume their daily routine.

The Man catches his bus and dozes off as he waits for his stop. he wakes up and sees his stop is just ahead, he suddenly is "flung" at his bus stop and clips a baby stroller and hits the ground. The Man bruised his left arm and shoulder and gets up only to be berated and attacked by the parents of the baby in the aforementioned stroller.

Overwhelmed by the situation the man runs away, but is periodically flung a distance as he runs. He begins to realize that he can warp himself anywhere he thinks of and then warps himself to the front of his house. He tries to control the power by chanting "right here, right here, right here..." to keep the power under control as he goes into his home. his wife and youngest daughter is already home and ask about what's going on referring to the news showing his picture on TV.

The Man says to his wife and daughter, "I have to figure out whats happening to me and only then I can do something about it. I will be right back once I can control this." and looks to a photo of a Mongolian landscape on their wall and warps away.

In a distant valley in Mongolia The man learns to tame his ability, as a nomadic family in the distance watches the "crazy black man" disappear and reappear all over the valley. The Man realizes his ability is to create personal wormholes that fling him upon entry and exit. the ability has the following properties:

1. On impact he's invulnerable due to a "spacial bubble", any further impacts will injure him i.e tumbling, thus he must land correctly to prevent injury.

2. its easier to fling to a place he can directly see or has a strong memory of, which is instantaneous. Going to a place based on a photo or faint memory takes 3-5 seconds.

3. The more he flings himself the faster and harder it is to control his trajectory. To maintain control, he must fling in 20 sec intervals

The nomadic family warms up to him and he stays with them for some time until he gains mastery of his ability by being able to warp himself into orbit through gaining momentum through a series of warps. Their child calls him in Mongolian "The man who jumped off the world".

The Man now confident that he is in control of his ability after several months of training warps himself in front of his house. camped out behind him is the press who get up and bombard him with question before he warps into his house. His wife is relieved that he is back but his daughters are ambivalent to his return.

The Man finds out he has killed the baby in the stroller from that day  he discovered his ability and begins to prepare of a legal battle, the lawyer representing him is an ambitious younger woman with intentions to run for DA of NYC. She convinces The Man to plead not guilty.

The court case commences with a jury and judge clearly against the man, his lawyer states the case that accusing him of murder for having an "ailment" is like accusing patient zero of a plague of genocide; he had no idea he had such an ailment and even went out of the way to isolate himself from doing anymore harm and taming his condition. The Plantiff lawyer argues that his awareness of the condition is not relevant as he still ruined a family and did not turn himself into the authorities, he cannot be his own judge and jury.

As the court battle lingers on, the plaintiff lawyer brings The Man's neighbor's son to the stand who testifies seeing the man fall through his floor the morning of the bus stop incident and late bring his own daughters and wife on the stand to testify on what happen that morning. The plaintiff lawyer concludes that his ability was not realized at the bus stop, he knew about it since that morning and neglected to inform anyone of the potential danger he was capable of and resulted in the babies death. The Man's lawyer questions him about that morning and counters with that 4 vague assumptions don't make a fact, the man woke up hitting the coffee machine, this was unintentional and his dismissal of it was a rational choice anyone would make in the moment. The jury is unconvinced of the defenses case.

The Defense Lawyer convinces the man to take a plea bargain for a reduced sentence and a manslaughter charge as the jury will find him guilty if they continue. The man reluctantly agrees and is charged with involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to four years.

Before he his sent off to prison, The Man sees his family. His wife promises to wait for him, His eldest daughter refuses to speak to him, and his youngest daughter questions him on "why can you disappear?", he is unable to reply but with a kiss to her forehead as the police take him away.

Though he is cooperating with authorities, the prevalent question among police and the media is "how to make sure a man who can teleport will serve his sentence?". The man insists that he will serve his sentence and not try to escape, but a grassroots group called The American Families Alliance propose a proper prison be built to ensure he is unable to escape, thus he must be experimented on to know how to properly deal with his power and anyone other people who may have it. The Man is advised by his lawyer to ignore them as for every reply to their accusations, he keeps their cause alive longer.

Over the course of several months The man is quietly serving his sentence, all the while the AFAs official and unofficial attacks are soon directed to his wife and daughters. His lawyer is running for DA now and has a new lawyer who gives him the same advice to stay quiet and also not watch TV. The attacks on his family are having its toll his wife and kids and The Man loses his temper when a commentator proposes that they should experiment on his girls to see if they also have his power.

The Man warps himself to the studio and punches the man and then angrily rants everything he bottled away, saying he never wanted this power and predicted all this would happen, even considered suicide, but he wanted to pay off his mortgage, watch his daughters graduate from high school, and make that short film his wife written when they first met. he concludes the fact he exists with this power is the problem the world will fear the idea of him and says goodbye to his family then warps away.

The Man is in Mongolia, in the same valley he learned to tame his powers. He searches for the family but they clearly moved on and he warps about the Mongolian plains trying to find them, hoping they could take him in.

sound off in the comments and tell me how is it and what needs to be done.